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HomeHealth & FitnessWhy it is so arduous to just accept a praise : NPR

Why it is so arduous to just accept a praise : NPR


Love your outfit! Nice presentation! Cool glasses! When somebody praises you, do you settle for it? Or dismiss it?

Your response says loads about how you’re feeling about your self, and it may possibly have an effect on how the opposite individual feels too, say researchers.

Social psychologist Erica Boothby and behavioral scientist Xuan Zhao clarify the science of compliments — and make the case for accepting somebody’s variety remarks about you.

When there’s a disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us, that can be uncomfortable, says Erica Boothby, a social psychologist.

Compliments can be especially challenging for people who struggle with self-esteem, says Xuan Zhao, a behavioral scientist. They may feel like they don’t deserve the praise. On the other hand … “High self-esteem people have an easier time receiving compliments because it’s consistent with how they perceive themselves," says Zhao.

Culture can be a factor too, Zhao says. For example, in some Asian cultures, accepting a compliment can make you look boastful or overconfident.

However, here in the United States, compliments are seen as an unconditional gift, Zhou says. The giver is not expecting you to … 
... praise them back 
… justify their compliment 
… pay them back in another way

Declining a compliment can also make the giver feel rejected.

Even if it feels hard, there are good reasons to accept a compliment. Studies have shown that genuine praise makes you feel happier. 

ZHAO talking: “When you receive a compliment, the reward circuit of your brain lights up, as if you were receiving money.” Zhao says. 

The same goes for giving compliments, Zhao says. “It helps you see the good things around you better.”

Even if it feels hard, there are good reasons to accept a compliment. Studies have shown that genuine praise makes you feel happier. 

ZHAO talking: “When you receive a compliment, the reward circuit of your brain lights up, as if you were receiving money.” Zhao says. 

The same goes for giving compliments, Zhao says. “It helps you see the good things around you better.”

If you often find yourself dismissing praise, Boothby says to ask yourself: “Why am I reacting this way?”

If the spirit moves you, you might try paying a genuine compliment to someone else. 

If you’re worried it might make someone feel awkward, Zhou’s research shows it lands better than you think.


Boothby and Zhou share advice on … 


How to give a great compliment 


Be specific. Say exactly what you liked and how it had a positive impact on you. It can make the compliment feel more genuine.  
Do it in private if you think a person might feel shy about getting praised in public. 
Be sincere. Don’t mince your words or try to pass off your praise as a joke. 
Don't hold back for fear of saying exactly the right thing, the right way, at the right time.

This comedian was edited by visible editor Beck Harlan. We would love to listen to from you. Go away us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or electronic mail us at LifeKit@npr.org.

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